Week 34 - August 24-30: Costco run, first day of school for all the boys, new friends over, staff dinner, English camp reunion

Monday, August 24th began our second full week of working out at Morrison every day. Evie came with us. This is my favorite section of the bike ride over there b/c of the sound the paving stones make as we go over them. Plus the trees. At home the boys had started school...but I forgot to take first day of school pictures. They only started with math in order to take it slow. Every day they added in one more subject. 

After we got cleaned up, we hurried over to Taoyuan to resupply on groceries. I had used up all my Costco groceries since Noah's visit. But it was the first time that we drove ourselves instead of going with friends or hiring an Uber. New level unlocked! 

Before we made it to CostCo,  we stopped at a baking store. This is the same place where I bought my oven. They also carry a lot of foreign foods. I was hoping to find cornmeal like on my first visit but I did not. That's one thing that's different from America where it's unusual for stores to simply be out of something. Here it's pretty common to not be able to find something. Yesterday there were no potatoes in the store! 

That evening we were planning on going out to a special dinner with the church staff, but it got cancelled while Terry was at staff meeting. So I had to pull dinner together. Evie suggested beef sandwiches so I pulled up Mel's Kitchen Cafe (my go-to) for the win. I made her roasted garlic beef sandwiches and they were incredible. I had never roasted garlic before - it was like bananas after I mashed it.

I made homemade rolls too! Plus coleslaw. We ate late but it was worth it. 

On Tuesday, August 25, we woke up to happy pictures from Noah's first day of classes at The School of Mines and Technology. It's his second year in Computer Engineering and he has 17 credits. Pray for him!

 Noah also went to the welcome for the freshman where they all had to dance, which he did not enjoy last year. He was gratified to be able to watch the poor suckers this year. 

The boys started homeschool that day and the day before. Here is Ezra watching his Pre-Algebra Math-U-See video.

Terry and I did a FASTer Way HIIT workout in our bedroom, but it's hard for me to go all out on the tile floor. So I ran a mile of sprints in the park behind us. I found this flower on my way in. 

Red face + flower

After Terry got cleaned up, he took the train to Taipei to spend the day there. He had a brunch meeting with an EC talk friend. This is his brown sugar milk tea that came with his meal.😍

We called Noah to hear about his first day. He was very chipper and happy. He'd had a good day and talked with several people. 

Ezra decided to make "battle armor" for poor Porky. Noah was still on the phone and he thought it was hilarious. I think Porky secretly likes the attention. He and Ezra are like brothers. Porky likes to play with him. 

We were telling Noah, "You can do it!" or "Jiayou!" in Chinese. It's a fun word. It means "add gas or oil," like pedal-to-the-metal, or go for it, or let's go. 

That afternoon, our phones went off with alarms for an earthquake in the south that we did not feel. 

Next, Terry met with the first friend we met at TMF in 2024 on our vision trip. Even before we talked to our now boss, Peter Wong, we met this man, Peter Kim. There's so many missionaries named Peter, haha.

Terry then took another train to a neighborhood, in order to visit a store where I was hoping he could find soccer cleats for Ezra. It's so hard to find things here...at least for us. This place, Decathlon, is the closest thing to a Scheels, but there were no soccer things. He did get some swim shorts, goggles, and swim caps for Samuel. You have to wear swim caps in all public pools here! It's insane.

Meanwhile, I had arranged at the last minute to host Evie's friend Moriah and her family. We'd been wanting to get together and sometimes spur of the moment works best for me. This family is incredible. They're very godly, and just the sweetest. They really are. 

Wednesday, August 26, was total body lifting. Ezra took some silly Porky photos at lunch.

Terry had ChatGPT make it into a jedi. 😆 Evie went to Cedar Tree to visit Anna and the kids. 

It had been a long time since Terry and I had a coffee date, so we fixed that. 

I had forgotten about this cute shop called Swell Co. Cafe. It's got a California beachy vibe, complete with a golden retriever. It was fun to pet him. He was very friendly. 

Their mochas are delicious. Drinks are smaller here. Also less sweet. But I'm getting used to less sugar! Whenever we go back home our tongues are gonna pucker at all the sugar.

Ezra was totally not sleeping when we got home. He had returned from his class and was bored. He and Porky together.

That night we had the rescheduled staff dinner appreciation night for Joe, who was stepping down as an intern. Evie enjoyed holding Arabelle. She looks like a doll! 

It was a good time. I ordered a whole chicken so at least one dish could have some meat (everyone choose something) and we laughed about how in American they cut the chickens heads off. So strange in Asian culture. 

For Thursday, August 27th's upper body workout, Evie came with us. 

At home I had the final piece of milled bread that Noah brought. He brought us four loaves and they were gone way too quickly. I'm making white flour sourdough again. It just doesn't make us as happy or fill us up. 

Nom nom nom. I really do miss my flour mill. The freshly milled bread made me feel like I was filling in the empty corners of nutrition in my body. 

Then Noah texted us the news that his car wouldn't start after classes! He called his roommate, Tim, who was thankfully home and who jump-started it. Grampa B. drove into town and they deduced that his battery was dead and got him a new one. Thankful for everyone's help since Terry isn't there to do the dad thing. 

That week, Evie decided she wanted to cook for us all by herself...however, she chose too difficult of a recipe and I had to help her. She wanted to make quiche, which usually has eggs in it. But Samuel and I can no longer eat eggs. So we recreated a recipe I had made up - tofu quiche! We just swap tofu for the eggs and it works amazingly. We even found swiss cheese, which is hard to do. It was delicious. 

Ezra is always putting Porky in these weird positions that holds for a while. Porky is becoming more laid back, little by little. He still doesn't like being held, though. 

We had extra pie crust, so Evie whipped up another Mel recipe, chocolate chess pie, plus homemade whipped cream.

On Friday, August 28th, we woke up to more happy pictures from Noah. It was the first night for campus clubs, so Noah helped represent the Moonrockers club that he is a treasurer for this year (!). Then he had his first night of Intervarsity and he did a good job at being social (hard for me and him as introverts). 

After our leg day workout, Terry and Nanson took the van to Nanson's mechanic. All the dash alarm lights had come on during our drive home from the restaurant the night before. Terry was worried it was an alternator, but the mechanic said it was the O2 sensor. He just reset it and we'll see how it goes. He also replaced the battery and changed the oil. 

Samuel was signed up in time and was selected to go on a Morrison faith weekend retreat at the Taichung campus next weekend. The chaplain selected the wrong paper size for the permission form and we thought it was hilarious. 

Ezra and I went to Mitsui, the outlet mall, to shop for soccer cleats. I was told there probably wasn't any there but we found some at the Asics store, the same place we got new running shoes for Evie. Meanwhile, Terry and Evie went to Cedar Tree for the final presentation of the month-long English camp. They stayed for a discussion afterwards. That evening Samuel and Ezra went to Morrison for their youth group, R.G., Righteous Generation.

Saturday, August 29, was very chill...apart from Samuel's early swim practice. When we got home we had sourdough pancakes, we watched The Price is Right, and we called Noah. We watched the final Wingfeather episode together. It's bittersweet b/c it was one of the things we started doing with him not too long after we moved into our apartment. 

Also me in Trouncer/Porky's hat. 

The guys all played Risk and then Samuel had a long nap. Evie went out with her friend S. I made pizza dough. We watched the second Hunger Games movie that night. That afternoon our neighbor Amy gave us mooncakes and we talked about how Justin was doing in America at college and their trip through the US. It was nice talking to her. 

Sunday, August 30, was a tough day for me. There was church, followed by an English camp reunion. Terry arranged the whole thing, taught a short lesson, and played some games. 

Here the crew is bringing back the nine-square supplies. While Terry was teaching, they had set it up in the park and then brought the 9-11 kids over to play. It worked out really great. We were super annoyed at some residents where the church is located because they told the landlord they didn't want nine-square set up behind the building, even though it was only for a half hour. Bunch of old Karens. 

Everyone was pretty tired afterwards. Terry and Evie also visited an open house for Cedar Tree afterwards. Big day. Ezra and his favorite brother Porky chilled for a bit. 

For Noah's Saturday, he worked at Bass Pro and then came home and made himself some delicious pizza! 

He watched Young David. 

Worthlessness and Worth

I deleted social media. Months and months ago. Perhaps others don't judge me as harshly as I judge myself, but I cannot seem to keep myself from envy, jealousy, coveting. Everyone is so busy. Everyone is so accomplished. So many things to show for themselves, so much going on. So many gifts that God gave them, they're all so special. Name a person and I could name why they're special. My life isn't like that. My gifts aren't like that. I'm not busy or accomplished. I don't have anything to show for myself and I don't have a lot going on. I can't keep up with anyone in America or even here in Taiwan. I fall short in every comparison. My life is very small and insignificant. Worthlessness looms large.

Although I try to fight it I start to believe that if I could be like them, then I would be happy. People would like me if I was accomplished, if I had things to show for myself, if I had their gifts. What even are my gifts? I can't see them.

Ever since I was little I've struggled with comparison. I remember being in first grade looking in jealousy at my friend Krissy's freckle-free face. "If only I had pretty smooth skin like her..." then I'd be pretty, okay, acceptable, commendable, worthwhile. Then people would like me. "If only I was extroverted...If only I could communicate better...If only I had their gifts..."  I've always been insecure, just always. Is everyone else so pleased with themselves as it appears?

But I want to give it up. I want to stop trying to measure up. I want to quit wishing I was someone else so I could be acceptable. But I've tried before. Many, many times. I keep falling for the same dumb lies. I am hopelessly broken, an eternal failure. I can't overcome.

But He is the overcomer, not me. I am the failure, He is the victor. I am a mess, but He loves me anyway. He loves me for who I am right now, not who I hope I will be at some distant point in the future when I overcome all of my weaknesses. He loves me for me right now, not who I will be in eternity when I don't have weaknesses anymore any everyone loves me. And He doesn't just love me b/c He is love and He can't help it. No, He loves me for ME. He actually loves me. He does. I fail and fail and fail, but it's okay b/c He took my failures upon Himself and He punished them there. He paid for my stupid weaknesses that I can't and maybe never will overcome, so that He doesn't judge me for how far short I fall. He doesn't despise me the way I despise myself and some others do too. He doesn't scorn me the way others have. He isn't offended when I say the wrong thing and get mixed up in my words. And He's not offended by my passion and zeal the way a lot of people are. He's not disappointed I can't get my stuff together. He came for the weak ones like me, not the strong ones who don't need Him who are all accomplishing such great things for Him. I need Him. I really do. I am nothing and He is everything. I want Him more than anything, more that success or accomplishments or gifts...though they tempt me that if I had them, then I could finally be worthwhile. He thinks I'm worthwhile right now. He loved us when we were still sinners.

If only I could go be with Him. That is what I really want. I just want Him. And He just wants me too. B/c even though it sure feels true that no one loves me, that I am forgotten by all, that I am unimportant, that I am completely worthless, He doesn't think those things. I am important to Him even if I'm not to anyone else. He thinks I'm special even if no one else does. Even if everyone overlooks me, He doesn't. He sees me. He isn't judging me for not being good enough. He wants me for me even if no one else does. He likes me how I am right now, even if I don't, even if others don't, even though I sin, even right now in my struggle. I am a humble puddle of weakness that is disgusting to most pride. "Don't complain!" they say, "Pretend everything is good and that you're amazing. Don't be real. Hide. Fake it." Jesus welcomes my complaints instead of shutting them down like a Pharisee, like an older brother. He knows what's inside so why not just tell Him instead of lying to Him and others and myself. He still wants ME, not my perfection, not an image, not an attempt. Just me. He is perfect enough for the both of us. I am worth it to Him, not worthless.

Now if I could just get that truth to be my foundation instead of worthless lies. It is my defiant, but very weak, hope.

Light and High Beauty {written but unpublished in 2021}

I’ve been thinking about Light lately. When I was driving around yesterday, the light was filtering through the clouds, falling down upon us all in these radiant beams, like it was kissing each of us, like it was just pouring forth beauty and life and care and love and goodness and all things beautiful.

This is tangible beauty to behold that we don’t even recognize as the amazing blessing that it is. 

Light is a blessing. Only by it can we see. It makes the world grow and flourish. It makes gorgeous sunsets like we saw on top of Black Elk Peak a couple weeks ago. Light is essential for life. 

And the thing is that we can’t make light. We can’t create it. We can’t fashion it or manufacture the brilliance that is our sun. Isn’t it incredible?! What a gift!

Tolkien wrote a lot about light. He is my favorite author and The Lord of the Rings is my favorite book. In the Silmarillion, the prequel to LOTR, the angels make the first light in the form of two trees very similar to the moon and the sun. This book is meant to be like a myth but what’s so interesting to me is even in this myth, how important and prized light is. When Sauron’s boss, Morgoth and his spider Ungoliant, destroy the trees, the world is plunged into darkness...except for the silmarils that a high elf, Feanor, had made. He had captured the living light of the trees and housed it in these jewels. An entire age of that world was fought to return the silmarils to the elves. They were greedy and lustful for the light much like Satan was greedy and lustful for God’s glory and position. He was jealous of God. He wanted to set Himself up in the place of God. 

“You said to yourself: “I will ascend to the heavens; I will set up my throne above the stars of God. I will sit on the mount of the gods’ assembly, in the remotest parts of the North. I will ascend above the highest clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.” ‭Isaiah 14:12-14

Satan was jealous of God’s glory, His light, His beauty. And so he fell.

But each of us do the exact same thing as Satan. We lust for our own glory and to set ourselves up as worshipful. Do we all not desire to be approved of and loved and appreciated and applauded and lifted high above the other common people? I know I do. I desire glory. Only God has glory and we want it.

In the Hobbit that I’ve been reading to my kids, we just read about the Arkenstone that Thorin the dwarf desires above all other treasure that Smaug the dragon stole from them. Thorin said it was, “like a globe with a thousand faces; it shone like silver in the firelight, like water in the sun, like snow under the stars, like rain upon the moon!” And it shone, “of its own inner light,” and “took all light that fell upon it and changed it into ten thousand sparks of white radiance shot w glints of the rainbow.” This description is so similar to God’s glory,

“The appearance of the brilliant light all around was like that of a rainbow in a cloud on a rainy day. This was the appearance of the form of the Lord’s glory. When I saw it, I fell facedown and heard a voice speaking.”

‭‭Ezekiel‬ ‭1:28‬ ‭

Light and high beauty belong to God alone. This beautiful world is not a happy accident. It is beautiful bc He is beautiful. 

In the Lord or the Rings light saves the company of the ring many times. Gandalf arrives with the sun, the hope of men, and tramples his enemies down. Theoden, king of the Norse-like allies of Gondor, comes with the morning sun and tramples the enemies surrounding Minas Tirith, the city of kings where Aragorn is crowned. Sam fights off Ungoliant’s ancestor, Shelob, with light. This same light was in the silmarils. Sam fights the real battle of hope and despair when he finds something on which to rest his worries - on high beauty beyond the evil age. “ Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach. His song in the Tower had been defiance rather than hope; for then he was thinking of himself. Now, for a moment, his own fate, and even his master's, ceased to trouble him. He crawled back into the brambles and laid himself by Frodo's side, and putting away all fear he cast himself into a deep untroubled sleep.”

Light and high beauty exist beyond this world. We are a speck in darkness but there is glory beyond us, God’s glory. His glory awaits those who are His and trust in Him alone. I am thankful and grateful and amazed. 

As Tim Keller said in his sermon about David’s courage, “ If the Bible is true the whole universe is filled w joy and glory. We’re temporarily stuck in this speck of darkness. It’ll be okay no matter what happens. Bc of Jesus, joy is always on the way. My own heroism doesn’t last. The more we look to His heroism [His light, His deeds], the more heroic we can become.”

Week 33 - August 17-23: working out, Evie @ camp, boys start 1 class & sports at Morrison, Noah @ home.

Okay I think the blog is going to go back to more reasonable sizes now that all our adventuring is done and Noah is home. 

On Monday, August 17, we woke up to some fun photos from Noah's first full day home. Even though I was still feeling sad in his absence, it helped to see him snuggling Trouncer...

And randomly running into my brother Nathan, along with Ana and the kids.

He also hung out with his friend Jacob.

Another thing that helped with the sadness was working out at the Morrison gym again. The first day of school at Morrison had been the week before, but we didn't attend b/c of vacationing with Noah. So on Monday Terry agreed to come with me to work out and try to be healthy. 

While we were there, we talked to the high school counselor about Samuel and Ezra's classes - they are both taking one class at the school in addition to their homeschool studies. It was a complicated mess, but everything got worked out in the end. Later that day, the boys' school books were delivered after a bunch of importing confusion.

That afternoon, Terry went to the LKIC staff meeting and I biked back to the school with the boys. Only Ezra was able to take his class (Engineering and Design) since Samuel's wasn't sorted out yet. But we did get him a library account and brought some books home. 

Early that morning, Evie went to her first day of helping at a cram school summer camp. She came back pretty tired and said she was sad that the kids have to sit in classrooms their whole life. Taiwan does the most school out of any nation. They go to normal school during the day and then English cram school in the evenings. During the summer they go to a variety of camps as well, which is generally more classroom time. But as the week went on and she got to know the kids, they were endeared to her and she became very fond of them. I'm sure the feeling was mutual. 

This is her upon arrival home on Monday - Marco Polo videoing a friend while Porky got in some snuggles (he likes the new couch and also probably missed Evie). 

On Tuesday, August 18, Terry and I slept just terrible, so we slept in and put off working out until the afternoon. Afterwards, we took a couple of laps around the park and stopped for this picture next to the koi fish.

Evie after work. The Evie-Porky thing seems to be a feature.

That evening, Terry finally went back to EC Talk at Aroma Church in Taipei. This time he drove himself in our new van...and regretted it. Parking was a supremely irritating pain. I don't know if he'll do it again. 

Wednesday, August 19, began with Evie going to camp and Terry and I going to Morrison to workout. We talked to the admissions lady and she told us everything was finalized for Samuel's class. We biked home in a misty rain, but by lunch it was pouring.

That afternoon we took Samuel back to the school by van since it was raining. Here is his first day of school photo. He is taking AP Computer Science! It is definitely new to us, but he's liked it so far. Hopefully it'll be a good thing for him. He's one of only five students! 

We took a selfie since we were there too. Samuel stayed for swim strength practice. He's decided to join the swim team! I love athletics at Morrison b/c they're super chill. They only have a couple events per season and the practices get done by 5:15pm. They don't eat up your entire life the way they did at home - either RCC or public school was like that, in addition to fancy traveling sports teams.

Next we got groceries in the van (thankful) but Ezra biked to class and back in the mist. 

Samuel was trying to catch up on some online work like reading the syllabus, etc.

Porky snuggled with me that night! 

Ezra placed Porky back-side-down in his bed and he stayed like that for a while. I think Porky likes Ezra b/c he plays with him the most. 

Thursday, August 19, jet lag hit Noah pretty bad and the poor guy only got an hour of sleep. He still managed to put together the cool Lego car he bought here in Taiwan. 

Beautiful orchids at Morrison that morning. 

We did an upper body FASTer Way workout. 

Then Terry met with Pastor Nanson to discuss evangelism options for LKIC. 

Taiwan has funny things. Terry always looks for them to post in his socials story.

That morning Evie's camp visited the sock museum in Linkou and she rode in an Uber with these kids. She's really grown to love them as the week went on.

 After their sock museum tour.

Evie took on more and more responsibility as the week went on. The entire curriculum was based on socks and Evie had the brain wave of having a sock puppet show. 😂

Terry took these pictures b/c he went in to help that day too. Evie volun-told him to lead some games. 

The boys played piano and pool before chilling for their last week of summer. Poor Porky puts up with a lot, but b/c Ezra plays with him, he doesn't seem to mind too much.

Porky snuggles every day after work.

😃😄😂

On Friday, August 20, we woke up to happy pictures of Noah's day, including dinner with my folks. 

Samuel joined Terry and I for leg day at the school.

I didn't even have time to shower before meeting Lillian for coffee. I think there might be more dogs than babies in Linkou but I can't prove it. Taiwan has the lowest birth rate in the world! Maybe that's part of the reason we're here - to show what a family looks like.  Here is the shop's owner's dog (?). I thought he didn't even look real in the photo but he definitely was.

We always take pictures of each other.

But I was unshowered so I was ashamed.

After lunch Terry joined the camp again and watched the presentation they made for the parents - the sock puppet show.

I think Porky is comforting us the week after Noah's departure b/c he sure has got a lot of snuggles...or maybe I just have nothing else to photograph now that our adventuring is done. 

It rained again that afternoon and Terry and Evie saw this guy with a grocery bag on top of his head on their way home from camp. I guess it's almost as good as an umbrella?

That evening, Terry and I finally made it back to bible study at Nanson and Flora's, which was great. I had never seen a baby rocking swing like this! It works via spring like a Johnny Jump Up and just continually rocks the baby gently up and down.

Saturday, August 22, was very chill. Maybe not for Samuel b/c he had swim practice 7-9am! He and Terry got up at 5:30am and a friend took him and some other homeschool students to the pool. Terry went back to sleep. We had pancakes when Samuel got home and then watched Wingfeathers with Noah. So sad that only last week he was here in person to watch! 

Noah called us late b/c he was having such a good time with his roommates. His good friend Jared moved in and Jonah returned from his internship. 

Samuel was so tired after swim practice! 

I took no other pictures that day, but we had pizza and watched the first Hunger Games movie since the boys had never seen it before and it was Evie's choice as a reward for successfully completing camp. 

For Sunday, August 23, we had church. Evie and Samuel went out afterwards for lunch w/ her friends and then had church youth group...whom only homeschoolers go too. Terry and I shopped and then hung out with Ezra. 

Noah had gone to his childhood friend Jack's wedding reception. 

Terry took Noah's place in duck game. I wrote the blog and Samuel did Computer Science homework. 

My friend Camilla sent me a photo of Noah at church on Sunday! Of course that was our Monday.