Thursday, September 22, 2016

the forking

Fairly early on August 29, one week after school began, Terry exited our house to begin a run and discovered an interesting phenomenon had occurred to our cars and lawn the night before. Either some person(s) defaced our cars and lawn OR there has been sufficient billions of years for this random mutation of window paint and forking to have taken place. Frankly, I think people were responsible. 

Forks in our lawn!

Forks up the deck stairs... 

Forks down the driveway, not to mention the cruel window paint! 

"May the forks be with you!" Ha! As if we're fork pantheists around here.

There were even forks under the windshield wipers and car bra.

We know who it was. And I will even be so bold as to name names. NATASHA!!! JAZMIN!!! EMMA!!! 

Saturday night Jazmin let it slip to me that she and Emma were staying the night with Natasha, who lives only about a mile from us. The last time they had slept over they ended up at our front door with silly string, which they sprayed on us upon the threshold. A lengthy water fight ensued after we endured this offensive action. When I learned that Jazmin and Emma were again going to Natasha's I informed Jazmin that they should not dare to inflict more silly string upon us, innocent as we are. She ensured me they wouldn't...but then we woke up to this!!! The horror!

Most would say the second sleepover, after the events of the first, is more than mere coincidence and corroborates their involvement in this newest contemptible exploit against us. However, I have more evidence. Our neighbor witnessed two girls in a white Jeep at our house that morning (Jazmin drives a white Jeep!). In addition, when I opened Evie's curtains that morning, I beheld with my own eyes Jazmin and Emma driving by very slowly and taking photos of our yard before speeding guiltily away. Furthermore, at youth group last week Natasha drew the exact likeness of the same angry face on my name tag as was painted on my window!!! Bam. Nail in the coffin.
Photographic evidence of our neighbor's presence across the street.

Terry, Noah, and Ezra were pretty happy with their likenesses painted on the Envoy windows. Er, I mean they were posing with the evidence for future examination... Well, I guess Ezra was more interested in putting his fork in the Envoy's tire tread.

Evie and Samuel loved their paintings as well, but as you can see, I was rather downcast about my angry face depiction. 

Evie the princess. 

Samuel with his crazy Harry-Potter-stand-up-and-never-lay-flat hair. 

Next we had the kids collect the forks for DNA testing.

Terry was terribly upset by the incident. 

Look how it addled his brain became. He couldn't handle the emotional pain that was inflicted by with such a malicious act. 

Noah won the most forks...but he forgot to wear gloves to protect the evidence.  

Looks like they all forgot gloves. 

But perhaps the very worst aspect of this entire crime was my own unjust painting. I am sure I have never made such a face in my whole life, especially to Natasha, Jazmin, or Emma. What did I ever do to them to earn such a horrible depiction. I am scarred from this terrible, hurtful representation. 
I will point out again, Natasha drew this exact same face on my name tag. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!!

I had so many desperate feelings, words were not enough. I needed Noah to snap pictures to fully represent my heartbreak. 

I will never be the same.

No comments:

Post a Comment